Thoughts: Relationships

When your relationship gets serious, your behavior has to change a little bit. It has to change because now you are more invested emotionally into the situation. You have to be considerate of each other’s feelings. Now it’s not just about you or I anymore, it’s about “us” and “we”. Look, this behavior doesn’t magically happen when you become committed, it takes time to adjust. And it takes a concious effort. Everybody has some baggage with them, wouldn’t you agree? So with that in mind, relationships develop by trial and error. For example, take a man who has been single for a few years and has not had to be concerned about someone elses feelings, when he finally gets into one he has developed these habits that now he has to adjust or completely break. The key is proper communication. Communication is an issue that I have had all my life, but I am committed to correcting that. That is the only way that any of my relationships will work. I have been having conversations with various friends about the relationship subject for years, this is why I consider myself a “love guru” (LOL). Relationships start out as feelings that turn into love (btw, I am not using the term “fall in love” ever again. Who wants to fall into anything??? You might break a leg or something! Lol) and in order to maintain that love you have to be considerate of others. For example, what if you’re girl went out and told you that she was going to be home at a certain time or she wasn’t going to get drunk but didn’t show up until 8am and was twisted when she got there? And then wasn’t 100% truthful about where she was coming from and you knew that, how would that make you feel? Wouldn’t it have been so much easier to tell her homies, “Hey, I’m heading out of here. Got to get home” or tell you “Hey, I am hanging out with the girls. We are gonna hit up a few spots. I might spend the night at my girl’s house. We might be out all night.”? Sure you might be mad that she is out all night but at least you know where she is and she didn’t feel the need to stretch the truth or omit certain things from the story. We put so much pressure on ourselves unnecessarily to protect peoples feelings when the truth is you’re making it worse by not telling the complete truth. In building Love, there will be hicups, none of us are perfect & all of us will dissapoint the other person at some point. But the best advice I can give you is when you are out and about recognize that you are representing your relationship. You’re representing your man or woman. In most cases, especially when you are married, you have to think “Would my girl be upset about my behavior right now?” and if the answer is yes, then you have a choice to do right or be selfish. Let’s choose to do right at least 90% of the time, geez!

“Say what you mean, and mean what you say. It’s just that simple.”

God. Love. Life. Music. Exposed.
-BMC, The Love Guru.

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19 thoughts on “Thoughts: Relationships

  1. I know wat u mean… said some really powerful stuff manye

    I stress Communication all the time in any type of relationship your in friendship relationship ect.

    It kinda sucks when ur not even given a chance @ all tho…

  2. Very wise Bryan. Wouldn’t it be great if love was much simpler. When you truly love someone you always consider the other person and their feelings. You should become selfless. That’s the problem with most relationships, people are too selfish to put someone else’s needs and feelings before their own.

  3. I am feeling this entry! Very well put and sweet and simple. The problem that arises though is a lot of times we don’t set boundaries on where we are willing to compromise and where we will stand our ground and remain grounded in who we are. I understand giving up the “I”‘s for “us” but we must not forget who we really are as individuals before we can grow as “we”.

  4. Wow, I just left my boyfriend because of his communication skills or the lack thereof. I’ve always been very forward with my thoughts and going in the relationship I thought we were both clear on that, I guess not, lol some people just aren’t cut out for the verbally emotional parts of a relationship.

    -lifer

  5. Wow, you were on point with everything. I really enjoy your relationship blogs. Keep em coming!

    PS. I am a believer, you are the “Love Guru”

  6. I think the line that I LOVE the most is “when you are out and about recognize that you are representing your relationship. You’re representing your man or woman.” I think if people could think about that a lot more, half the problems that go on will be solved. I really wish people could be less selfish because if not then people will have a lack of trust and relationships as we know it will be gone!

  7. Well said. If only mean could realize that in their 20s instead of in their 30s. A lot of guys in their 20s think that they are avoiding or keeping the drama to a minimum by not always telling the truth. The reality of is that with the average women can handle the truth it’s the lies or omissions that create the issues, and often start the arguments.

  8. Are you in love right now? I know you are the “love guru”, but lately you’ve been speaking as if you’ve found the one. I’ m at the age now, 32, and mostly everything you said I have said to my friends. Although, I haven’t been in a relationship in almost two years, I always respected my relationship. I am a person who believes in being transparent to your partner. As a adults we sometimes have to have those “butt naked” conversations. Keep it real. Beautiful mind.

  9. True words BMC. I don’t think we ever stop learning how to do this either. It’s a huge ongoing process and one that I’m not sure if it ever stops. I’m getting married next year to my girl of 10 years already and I’m STILL messing up after all that time! It is great, however, to be together and constantly learning together too.
    Peace.
    http://blog.nickemmett.com

  10. I think a lot of times when people get into relationships they have unreal expectations about what a relationship actually is so they are not prepared for that first argument and they are ready to end the whole thing because you disagree about something! God forbid! I have noticed as men and also being a 29y/o married man of seven years, that we come into a relationship and we see compromising certain things as letting a woman control you. We think oh well I am hitting the club tonight and doing whatever the hell I want we ain’t married, not thinking about the woman you have sitting at home wondering what the hell your doing. I totally agree that if people were more honest and upfront you wouldn’t see the problems that most relationships have now! Hell I am still learning this to this day after having been married as long as I have. Definitely second the “butt naked” conversations because if you can’t be open with the person you supposedly “love” than what is the point of the relationship? Does sound like you might have your nose open though Cox! LOL If so congrats man and if not I hope you find it soon because my wife is the very best thing that has ever happened to me including the arguments and what have you!

  11. To get something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done. Whether, it is complete honesty, communication, placing your significant other feelings before your own or letting your guard down and being vulnerable…. it’s going to take something different in order to establish the long term/life time commitment we all desire to have.

    I think dialogue is the key and that’s why I enjoy reading your blogs. It’s good to see another’s perspective on relationship issues. I’m a bit surprised to hear that you have problems with communication because you voice yourself so well on this blog. But I guess I understand, because I feel like I have communication very well and I even have a desire to start my own blog, but I struggle with putting the words down on paper (or typing the words)…. they just don’t seem to flow very well. So I just continue to just read everyone else’s blogs.

    @Miq Verse…. Loved your response. It’s good to hear a man talk about his love for his wife… the good and the bad. Thanks for sharing!

  12. I used to think honesty would only get you in trouble, because like you said, you need to “protect someone’s feelings.” But I think as we get older we need the real more often. Just want to not get played or not hear about what your significant other is doing from someone else. Because the more people hide and lie and mislead, the more they remind us of someone from the past. Everyone has had that experience at least once.

  13. I now understand fully why I am such a huge fan of your work, we connect on another level as well. I feel the same way about the “communication” topic on relationships because I’ve had the same exact problem for years and its probably the reason why my relationships in the past weren’t as successful but I think I’ve grown somewhat now and will do better in the future. Thanks for this post though!

  14. Hey B:

    Great insight. My fiance and I just had that conversation this morning. We have been dating for 2 years 9months and we are reaching the stage where we are learning each other (the good, the bad, and the ugly.) I feel like the biggest breakdown in communication is when you don’t communicate who you truely are. How can you love someone you don’t know. I think the foundation of great communication is a committment to honesty.

    I look forward to your book

  15. Let me know what you do to improve your communication skills and if it really works cause I swear I have that same problem and nothing works. I honestly think you got that ex. about the girl from my last relationship cause I did that every week end. OOPS!

  16. Mr. Cox aka “Love Guru” 🙂

    I’m new to your site so im not sure if you give any advice but i need some! ive been in my relationship technically for almost 7 months but it started getting serious over the last month. I have a “friend” that has been a “friend” for a while but i havent told him yet and I feel like that makes it seem like I’m ashamed but im not! You say communication is important and we should be totally honest. Should I discuss my new situation with him? I don’t have the same feelings for him I use to have and i feel like he should know but i dont feel like having to explain myself. I want my relationship to have a fresh start with no baggage like you said. Any thoughts?

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