My friend Chad, whom I have known since college, asked me a question via twitter about relationships that had me thinking today.The question was “Do you think a woman has a say in if she’s the 1 or is it up to the man to find the “one”? Do they both get to chase or does the man finds, chooses, & conquers?”

Well, I believe based on my personal experiences, that the man should ALWAYS pursue the woman. But because it is a game, we have to also recognize that even though we pursue, THEY ultimately choose. When a man walks up to a woman in the club, grocery store, church, or anywhere she knows if she’s gonna give him some play or not. Of course I couldn’t go into detail on twitter because I only have 140 characters to get my thoughts across so I thought I would write a blog about it. Anyhow, I digress. So when it is apparant that she chooses, the pursuit doesn’t stop there. Because most likely there are other men that are pursuing her, and whether we want to believe it or not it IS a competition! I don’t really like that part of it because I am a little arrogant when it comes to what I know I can offer a woman, but even I have fallen victim to losing out on someone that I wanted to be with based on my lack of urgency when someone else was just wearing her down. Lesson learned. That will never happen again. The point is IF YOU DON’T STEP UP YOU WILL LOSE! We absolutely have to pursue and conquer. The whole point is to prove to her that we are worthy of her trust and that we are able to take care of her and not just financially. And of course that goes for her too. Once she comes on in, she has to take care of the man emotionally so his incentive for taking care of her emotionally won’t diminish. Just my thoughts.

God. Love. Life. Music.

PS: I have had a few women pursue me & it NEVER works out for me. For whatever reason. Just food for thought. Even when I did the Essensce article, I still have to be interested in you to pursue you if you are putting yourself out there for me to see. But at least half of the battle is done, those women have chosen. *smiles*


23 thoughts on “Thoughts.

  1. It’s all a mind game, u don’t want to put ur self totally out there to leave a sense of intriuge but u want to wrap ur hands on the prize u want…..ahhhh, dating is a rollercoaster!

  2. I enjoyed reading this. It’s tradition for males to pursue females, and it’s up to the female to decide who’s going to be the best mate for her. Even down to prehistoric eras, it’s been like this. I wonder why some women don’t realize this yet?

  3. I think everyone enjoys the whole cat and mouse game. Men and women love to be pursued, the whole chase keeps it exciting. But at the end of the day, when you get older and are truly ready to settle down, then the chase is not as fun as finding someone who you can truly open your heart up to, someone to trust and at the end of the day makes you a better person. When it’s the real deal, I don’t think the man or the woman chooses… God does.

    P.S. There are many things in life that will catch you eye, but only a few will catch your heart…. pursue those.

      • Thanks… That’s what keeps me going as I journey through this life. I know God will not create my soulmate and not allow me to meet him.

        And I totally agree with the scripture and know that there are many men out there that think and believe the same thing.

        Thanks for sharing your thoughts…

  4. “The whole point is to prove to her that we are worthy of her trust and that we are able to take care of her and not just financially. And of course that goes for her too. Once she comes on in, she has to take care of the man emotionally so his incentive for taking care of her emotionally won’t diminish.”

    That’s really all it boils down too. I’ve never been one to chase men and the one time I did opt to pursue a man it just didn’t work out. I wonder if most men these days are too arrogant to engage in competition for women. I know quite a few who, like you, are a bit too arrogant to put in the necessary work to obtain their position as a partner.

    • You know what? I think we as men know that you all out number us. So that’s where I think the underline “arrogance” comes from.

      • I agree. I saw it firsthand while in college. I attended a university in Huntsville, Texas (yeah I know lol) and the black women outnumbered the guys like 5 to 1 and the men knew it. They felt they could say and do whatever they wanted and it would be ok because women were so desperate to have a “man” that they would tolerate anything. Sad to say quite a few females fell for it. I know a lot of guys who feel because they went to school, got a “good job” and has a house and a car that women should feel privileged to be with them. I wish more of them knew that it takes a bit more to be considered a prime candidate for a relationship.

  5. Here’s what I have discovered thus far about a man and a woman and the overall pursuit…I am 26 and just now realizing how a man should behave if he has a genuine interest in a woman. Sobeit, to take on that interest and nurture that interest is primarily up to the woman, however a man will spare no expense(non-monetary) to letting a woman know he is definitely into her. Usually, when someone is beating around the bush and playing games, they really aren’t that into u. Anyway that’s my 2 cents. Great post Bryan!

  6. And let’s not forget what the bible says in Proverbs 18:22, “Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth the favor of the LORD.” It’s pretty clear there that men are supposed to pursue. Just my observation. *smiles*

    • LOL I think that scripture became taboo with during the Women’s Rights Era lol

      Seriously women are consumed with being equal to men in every aspect and dating is no exception.

  7. Very interesting topic, and I agree, also w/some of the posting here. In today’s world lots of women are definitely on a course to compete and be completely even if not better than men. In addition, women are more likely to fully pursue a man and even purpose marriage! The media loves this, and shines sooooo many lights on it and gives kudos; coining the term “New Millennium” this and that!! I’m soo old school however, men are arrogant. But its makes sense, that arrogance can steam from that ratio of there being more women to one man. We women can be subconsciously desperate with men approaching and making an attempt to pursue us. This man and woman thang can be a catch-22 at times. I say that b/c, ok a man pursues a woman, but if the woman doesn’t fully succumb to his needs (without being in a relationship) the woman is kicked to the curb. Then if a woman pursues the man, even if it’s 50/50, then the man feels that she’s probably coming on too strong and he bounces…well ok maybe this just happens with people I know…I’m old school, I believe in love, marriage, in submission and in the natural pursuit of men chasing women…however it’s becoming bleak to say the least, annnnd I live in Atlanta, should I move?!…lol
    Peace N’ Blessings every1!

  8. I think it’s okay to let a guy know you’re interested and then let him pursue. If he doesn’t then he doesn’t want you. Plain and simple.

    Bryan, do you think the essence article was a blessing or a hindrance in your dating life? I’m certain you had many women trying to contacting you. How do you feel about that? I doubt someone could find true love that way.
    (I hope you answer)

    • I think that it is a double edge sword. On one end it is a great way to put yourself out there and let everyone know what you like in a woman and so forth but on the other end it’s tough reading through all of the emails and then running into people who sent an email that you haven’t replied to. It is getting a little tricky in that area.

      • You’re right it is a great why to put yourself out there. You actually read the emails? Wow! That’s cool. I hope you had some women of quality that contacted you. Also, they had to put themselves out there and take a chance. I’m pretty sure someone in the bunch is geniune. But just as you said if you are interested you would still pursue!

        Find any good or potential candidates from Essence? Or is it too risky?

    • Make sure he gets the big piece of chicken! Lol. We have egos that have to be catered to. If we are doing our part as a man, I am talking about real men, then treat us as such. We are supposed to be the “king of the castle”. And I know that respect is earned not given but if we earn it then give us what we rightfully ours. Also, be that objective ear that men needs in all of his desicions. If I go to my girl & tell her what’s going on with me, I want her to be able to give some feedback on what I need to do. Hence the word “teamwork”.

      • I think it is also important for women to not only be the objective ear in decisions but to respect the decision even if you don’t agree with it. I say this in terms of making household decisions…when he is the man of the house or the “king of the castle”… Sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow for women who are use to living and making decisions on their own. You have to be on the same page and trust that this man will not to do anything to hurt me or this family…you have to be vulnerable in a sense, and that can be hard.

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