Thoughts…

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I feel like my blog can be random. When I was younger, I felt like life was simple. In my mind, the process of falling in love was, well…. simple. I thought that love was something that was completely based in what I know that feeling to be as infatuation. Those butterflies you get when you are around that person, that bubbly feeling you get whenever you heard their name and so forth & so on. Now that I am older, I realize that love isn’t that simple. What we deemed a priority when we were younger most times don’t match up to what we feel is a priority now. But yet and still, I wonder why most people aren’t happy in their relationships/situations? I mean, we all want to have someone to love and someone to love us back. What goes through our minds when we are making these decisions? For example, most married couples that I know [for the exception of a few] are NOT happy. This has perplexed me for some time now. Being a single man in a demanding field and coming across so many different types of people it has occurred to me that this case is the majority. So my question is why? I think that most people get married for all of the wrong reasons first of all. I think that we have a tendency to jump right in to a situation without thinking it all the way through and most importantly, praying about it. I have been doing some serious soul searching over the past few days. I have always realized that I am not perfect. My flaws are far too many to name but, I have accepted the fact that they exist. And I want to do whatever it takes to correct them. Last week, I had made up my mind that I just might not get married based on all of the examples I had around me. There is an immediate example that comes to mind, I won’t go into it though. I mean damn, my Mom and my step Dad is going through a divorce right now! Lol. I digress. We have to be honest with ourselves and others [preaching to myself]. A dear friend told me last week when I told her that I was trying to “understand” love, “How can you understand Love? If God is Love and we’ll never be able to understand God, then you’ll never be able to understand Love.” So now I am left with this thought, Love is Love. No rhyme. No reason. No logic. I think we try to put logic into it and there’s no way that logic and Love [Real Love] can coexist. It is what it is. So instead of having the thoughts I had last week, I will continue to believe in marriage, because I believe in Love. I will do my best not to over analyze it because when you over analyze, you don’t make a decision. And when you don’t make a decision, you don’t progress. Just my thoughts for today.

God. LOVE. Life. Music.
-BMC

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41 thoughts on “Thoughts…

  1. Strong words…look me up brova…I had DM’d u about a possible mentor…I’m a serious young artist with serious skill, drive and talent to match. I need someone like yourself to just give me a chance…God Bless

  2. I think that the reason why LOVE doesn’t work for most, is because we put conditions on LOVE. LOVE isn’t complicated at all. When you LOVE yourself UNCONDITIONALLY..your LOVEd UNCONDITIONALLY. To understand LOVE..you have to be able to GIVE and RECEIVE.
    Don’t give up B…..

  3. Love is always changing and growing! The problem is, we as people don’t grow and change with it!! After 23 years of marriage I realize the I have always been changing and so has my wife, but we both have been growing and changing in different ways!! it’s taken me all this time to understand that her change and growth has not been as fast and fast changing as mine but she has been growing and changing!! Now i accept that!! Therefore we have a much better relationship and understanding of each other!!! That’s REAL LOVE!!! Knowing and accepting the changes and growth in it’s own time of our spouse!! Remember, LOVE is NEVER about YOU but the other person!! Remove yourself from the pict and see the one you love!! Trust me they will give it back to you!!!

  4. YOUR THOUGHTS ARE VERY INTERSETING!!! U NEED TO WRITE A BOOK!! WELL I GUESS YOUR MUSIC IS THE WAY YOU EXPRESS IT AND U GET PAID MORE FROM MUSIC THEN BOOKS!!! I THINK YOU SHOULD STILL BELIEAVE IN MARRIAGE! YOU CAN’T RUSH IT THOUGH, WHEN THAT DAY COMES U WILL BE HAPPY THAT YOU WAITED I PROMISE B. COX!!! I DO HAVE A LOT TO SAY TO THIS BUT IM NOT BECAUSE THEN I’LL BE WRITING A BOOK! AND I UNDERSTAND THAT THE BUSINESS THAT YOU ARE INTO MAKES IT VERY HARD TO BELIEAVE IN ALL THIS MARRIAGE STUF, BUT IT’S ON YOU TO PROVE IT WRONG IT’S ON YOU TO MAKE IT KNOWN THAT THIS IS NOT YOU! YOU ARE NOT GONNA JUMP THE BAND WAGON OF FAILURE!!

  5. Very well written and well thought out! You know, I too have pondered the same exact thoughts about love and marriage; reading your blog was almost like reading a page right out of my book of life. Whenever I get discouraged or doubt love I look at my parents – a couple who have been in love from the moment they laid eyes on eachother when they were 19 and 21 and married 6 months after they met…43 years later they are more in love now than the first day they met. It is possible and love is real…always remember that. Don’t try to find it – it will come to you.

    ~One Luv,
    Soul_Angel

  6. Awesome B Cox… I was just about to go to sleep and I saw your post on twitter. I remember when we spoke in ATL at the BET Awards about love and you had some great views. I hope one day you find one special woman you can share your views with.
    Singing “Shorty where you at…” lol

  7. Love is Love. There is nothing in between. My parents have been married for almost 25+ yrs now. It’s your environment that influences you the most on love. I find myself constantly having an up and down relationship with God, but I know we have to work it out. There are a number of reasons why ppl get divorces but the bottom line is…Should we chose to make it work or just throw in the towel. Once you discover you, then you will discover her. Tika

  8. Love is simple if you’ve been honest with yourself; are you ready to love is the question….That’s not over analyzing or anything, that just how I feel. Example: I am single because I KNOW I’m not ready to be involved with anyone and each time I listen to a guy who tells me I am ready, it never works.

    Once IN love and dealing w/ the relationship is where the WORK comes in, lol…People forget that even if they found their “soul mate”, no one person THINKS or ACTS like them or they way they want them too, 100% of the time. The second something happens that is not understood or unusual, the relationship seems to fall apart. Instead of working at it and talking things out. In reality, no relationship or love is PERFECT but in our minds we think it is going to be.

    And another thing, if a person cannot be alone for a month w/o feeling they need to love someone – they will NEVER know what TRUE love is lol. I have an ex who falls in love the 1st week of meeting a chick..YES, I’m guilty of being one of those chicks, but I didn’t learn this until in the relationship *sigh* what a waste of time he was :(….

    In the end, Love Yourself and Love Will Find You….

    • It is so weird, but not to long ago, I was asking myself the same question? What is love? Is it a strong like for another individual? And if so, what distigushes your like for them and your like for others? What is the difference between loving God, your family, friends or even yourself? Is it a sexual connotation that seperates them or just merely a different type of closeness with each one. I think people are not happy in marriage because the definition of love is different to everyone. What I may feel is love may not be what someone else feel’s is love. Two people uniting need to understand that there is no stragedy or play book to what love is. It is what you make it to be and nothing more. It is it like no other emotion that you can articulate. And that is the beauty of it.

  9. You know what, I totally agree with what you said, especially about people getting married for the wrong reasons. I see it happen a lot, and hell, I’m only 21. You have these people jumping in relationships and trying to get to know the other person, when they don’t even know who they are themselves yet. There are some people who can’t even commit to changing paint colors on a damn wall, and its like how do you expect to make a change that’s going to affect the rest of your life?

    Fact of the matter is that times aren’t what they used to be. My grandparents have more than likely had a few problems here and there, but divorce was never an option. Now, divorce is so acceptable in society as “plan b”, and its sad. People just don’t care anymore, and priorities have changed.

    Asking what love is, is a very complex question with an even more complicated answer. Instead of trying to understand it to the smallest details, just let it happen when it happens.

  10. My comment after reading your thought, I came to the conclusion that everything that you just said is true about being in marriage for the wrong, etc. But since I have be divorce, I have founded out that the love God offers us, is true love and once we depend on him and not ourselves or other people to love us, then the love that he gives us will make it more easy to be able to except his love and others love. This is just my thought, cause it do make you wonder about love and how easily it is use among each other & don’t mean it us. I notice that people will say they love U, & hate U all the same, But if U depend on God then any and everything that you want out of life will come.

  11. I feel you alot; on what you said above. I wondered the same thing. I want love, and to be loved, but at the same time, I see the people around me, that are married and not happy. Then again, Some got married for the wrong reason. I never been married or had the pleasure of someone asking to marry me yet. So I wondered was there a love for me? Then I told myself well maybe I will remain single. Not marry. But like you said God is Love and he wants us to have someone to love. I prayed about it, cried also. Why me? I want someone to love me for me and not what I have, and who I am. My parents have been married for 30yrs. and I have young parents,(52 and 50). I want a love like that, or close to it. Someone to grow old and gray with lol. But is it out there? A older lady once told me to stop looking for it, well I have. But it still havent showed up. So what I’m getting at… Is there love out there for me? God said he is love and he loves me. And that I’m not alone. Just keep trusting and praying and he will come. šŸ™‚

  12. That was deep! People do get married for the wrong reasons. I know people that are married and are not happy, and because they are not happy they go out and find other people that make them happy. When from jump they got married for the worng reason. I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years. It has been almost a year that we haven’t been together. I just found out the night of memorial day, that he was getting married in August. I wasn’t mad. I was hurt more than anything because we have known each other since our high school days. Then he meets this chick that he hasn’t known that long a propose. I won’t give up on love. I’ll just be more cautious and just wait until my time comes.
    ~Annitra

  13. Wow,nice. I agree. The older I get I cant think of anyone who’s seen what they’ve envisioned love being. My divorced father says it’s like a common cold,comes and goes. My mother says cohabitate,the rest is a show. I say love,ask,believe,receive.

    PS. Sorry about your parents.
    Neversaynever

  14. Pingback: RESPONSE TO BRYAN "NACHOJOHNNY" COX'S BLOG | Mz. Limitless.com

  15. I totally get what your saying, but it seems that your feeling are based on relationships that your observing around you. You shouldn’t let that make you give up on the thought of marriage. I love the whole thought of falling in love and getting married, but I admit you made some good points and that kinda scares me! I don’t know…you gave some things to think about. I probably have some soul searching to do myself! Am I setting my standards to high? Do I make the fear of being cheated on a reason to not get to serious? These are just two questions that come to mind when I think about marriage. I’ll just continue to put GOD first and pray to make the right decisions for me.

  16. I think that most people get married thinking that they’re in love and then once they’re married, they find out that they’re not in love and then they end up miserable, hoping it will turn in to love. Is love something that is an automatic, uncontrollable feeling or urge? Is it there from the beginning and just realized as time goes on… or is it something that you grow into like your favorite pair of shoes (even though they hurt in the beginning)? I don’t think we will understand. Even knowing that God is Love, we will still spend our existence trying to figure both out. Why? Because we’re human. The fact that we’re told there is no answer makes us search harder.

  17. I do agree that we must accept that love is just love. I’ve learned to live in love and move on. Since God is love, if I live in love everything will be cool. Kysez!

  18. Now after being able to have a small piece of who u are right now, I will say this: the description consistent with Love in the early part of your blog was “feeling” and you and I both know that is not accurate. God absolutely is LOVE, and HE has given us(those who confessed Christ as Savior) His SPIRIT that we may understand HIM & HIS ways! Bryan I’m not trying to give u a bible lesson here, but I am trying in some way to express my findings concerning love. My whole life I wanted to have the husband, 2.5(where did that come from)kids and live in a neighborhood where I knew everyone. I wanted to be a “soccer mom”, dedicated housewife, but choices I made deterred those dreams, but only for a moment! When I got saved, I said to GOD, I just want to know you, intimately! And you know what HE did, he begin to teach me about MARRIAGE! I have found that like u said, people are marrying for the wrong reasons ie money, lust, status, and yes even LOVE! Yet if we do it the way GOD has been doing it for years, we will know we have the right one(which enables us to handle tough situations)because GOD chooses! Remember GOD created Eve for Adam, & Adam RECOGNIZED HER! God chose Rebecca for Issac, Rachel for Jacob, and I can go on & on! When these men saw HER they knew she was the one, but it was not from FEELINGS, it was from their RELATIONSHIPS with GOD! Because of who God created you to be, their is a woman that GOD has chosen to HELP u birth out the VISION HE has given you! Even the one you have yet to see! So any woman WON’T DO!
    I often ask why as an Intecessor I am constantly praying for celebs & those of high status, when it seems that women in my position are not even looked at twice, unless it’s as a GROUPIE, or some other negative light? Yet we have so much to offer a man. But I realize it’s not about ME, but it’s about HIS plan for me, and money, status, who u know, or the knowledge u amass can’t stop that! So I hold fast to HIS promise that at the appointed time, the one HE has chosen for me, will discover me, and the rest will be a testimony to others, that if you TRUST GOD no matter what, HE will deliver what HE promised!
    God is Love B Cox, are u willing to receive HIS best for you? Or will u stick w/ what u perceive 2 B the right standards…?

  19. Although relationships falter, it is not always because the two have fallen out of love. The most personal issue that arises in my relationships are trust issues. For example, although the companion may be essentially the same person I fell in love with, life’s pressures can interrupt there actions and cause friction. Butterflies, always feel good in retrospect, but acceptance in the here and now is even cooler. Sup, Brian? How have you been?

  20. Love is a crazy thing to me. Like you said there is no rhyme or reason, no logic. Like any of the other emotions or quirks that human beings have, It just is what it is. You seem to be looking at marriage and love from a western point of view. Maybe it would help to explore other cultural views of love. Seems to me that the western ideal of love is almost impossible to achieve. Look at the divorce rate in this country.

    For me it is just a chemical reaction that begins with infatuation and once that wears off, either you have a bond with the other person or you don’t. Love is complicated because people change and some don’t take the TIME to really know the other person. And do you ever really know the other person? In the end you just roll the dice, work at it and hope for the best because you never know how it’s going to turn out.

    For me, Love = Trust. And Trust comes about when you’ve gone through struggles and have had time together. Because you have know what the other person is about. That’s the best formula I can come up with and even then it’s not gauranteed.

  21. My cousin Kendrick posted this response on my facebook page:

    Great points B! We often over analyze what Love is. Moreover, Love is not 2 be understood but it is to be experienced. In the same breath, GOD is not 2 be understood, HE is to be experienced through relationship w/ HIM! When we were children, we never understood how our parents could beat us with the belt or switch, (as angrily as they did) and still say that they loved us. Yet as adults we continue this tradition. This goes to show us that love sometimes hurts but all in all it is ultimately for the greater benefit of us. Check out 1 Corinthians Chapter 13. Interestingly enough this chapter not only defines love but it also cross references love with our transition from child to adult. To know God (to walk with GOD) is to know love. No GOD=No Love! Sometimes HE calls us to make sacrifices for HIS name sake (in the name of Love). Sometimes we have to do things we don’t understand or aren’t comfortable doing but know we should b/c HE (Love/GOD) knows best.

  22. It’s true. Love makes absolutely no sense and the sooner you realized that, the better off you will be.

    No one ever gets away from that fairly tale image that we see on tv & in the movies. And rightfully so. It should sweep you off your feet and end in a happily ever after. I think when you believe in that, you try your best to make it happen. It’s like your faith in God. If you believe in God, you try your best to live your life the way God wants you to live it. And then you look up and realize that you are blessed. So if you believe in love and try your best to make it happen, you will look up one day and realize that you have found it. That you have found love.

    Just don’t stop believing.

  23. This topic is very important to me. When we are growning up we want to have the kinda of relationship our parents had. Currently my parents are separted and it has definitely had an effect on me. Causing me to question why after years of being together did this happen? Also like you I have witnessed friends and family struggling in marriges and even got to the point where I was having second thoughts about it. However one thing we have to do is undestand that love is patient and we have to trust that God has to prepare us and the person we are supposed to be with so that love can take place in the right time. Not in our time but in his. Bryan if i can relate it to music (being a fellow musician) You know the time that it takes to prepare music before it can presented. In that same way God has to shape make and mold us so that we can be presented to that special someone when we are ready. God loves us unconditionally and that is true love which is whay instead of focusing so much on establishing our relationship with another its even more important to work on our relationship with him. Patience and prayer i think are key. God is love like you said so when it comes to love we just have to him have his way.

  24. It is so weird, but not to long ago I was thinking myself the same question. What is love?is it a strong like for another individual? And if so, what distinguishes your strong like for them and your like for others? What is the real difference between loving God, your family, friends or even yourself? Is it a sexual connotation that seperates them of just merely a different type of closeness with each one. I think people are not happy in marriage because the difinition of love is different for everyone. What I may feel is love may not be what someone else feels love is. Two people uniting need to understand that there is no strategy or play book to what love is. It is what IOU make

  25. My faith in love was renewed once I realized that I’d never had love that had a spiritual foundation. I think marriage is a spiritual tie, and if you don’t truly include God in it, it will be impossible to be happy forever. I’ve yet to meet a divorced couple who confessed to having a strong spiritual foundation.

  26. I think you’re right about not over analyzing love… especially if you’re going to look to God for your example. He spelled it out perfectly for us to understand and enact. Unfortunately, we are a tad too selfish to fully realize that definition. We’ve got walls and insecurities and imperfections that cause us to place demands on love that were never meant to exist. We look for love to prove itself in ways that it can’t. We look to feel loved, when love is a commitment, a choice, and an action. I think I tweeted this when you first asked about love – in my experience, love is a choice, because whether I feel like it or not, all the time, I still make a choice to love.

    If you look at all that love requires (patience, kindness, humbleness, temperance, honesty, trust, hope, perseverance, protection and selflessness) and make a commitment to perfect the love that you have to offer, you’re going to be less likely to fall in love with someone who has less than the same to offer in return. Yeah, love is hard work, but the rewards so outweigh the effort.

  27. Wassup B.Cox,

    I’m 24 yrs old and I have never been in love. I, too have had those same thoughts of never marrying because of all the things that I’ve seen. You’re right, we can can’t try to logically understand something that isn’t logical. My parents have been together 25 years, they’ve had their ups and downs, but I have never once thought that they didn’t love each other. When I think of love, I don’t think about the butterflies and such…I think about being their for that person. Comfortable silences. Laughter. Sadness. Passion. Friendship. Anger. Sex. Fights.

    I think a lot of people aren’t happy is because they didn’t know what love really consisted of…it’s not just the butterflies. They only saw the tree and not the forest. I don’t believe its realistic for us to think that one person can give us EVERYTHING we need. That’s why we have friends. But its that love that keeps us bound to that one individual who compliments us…who understands us intimately. They love us because of our flaws. Our strengths and weaknesses balance each other.

    I’m aware of what really goes on inside of a committed relationship. I’ve witnessed it. It’s not something that I wish to rush into, because its serious. I think people need to understand what commitment truly is before they jump the broom. We have so many fickle people here in the world where when things get tough they leave. Love isn’t just one thing…it’s so much more.

    I don’t believe everyone should get married. I don’t think its for everybody…although society would have us think differently.
    You’re right, you shouldn’t question or deliberate too much because it does paralyze you. Sometimes its best that you leap, but both parties must be committed and understand that they are traveling the road together. They make their own path and have their own rules.

    That’s all I have to say…I hope I wasn’t all over the place.

    -Rod

  28. I think its wonderful that you came to this conclusion before getting married. There are many who are not so fortunate. Now, you will be ready for true love when it surfaces. Often times, true love is blocked for one reason or another. We get caught up in the image of love and/or who our ego thinks we should love resulting in us making bad decisions about who to love. When you choose a life partner, there are many agreements that should be made before you decide to spend your life together. Love is an emotion but it is also a decision. Only true love can stand the test of time because it’s unconditional…And it’s when things are not perfect that you can really experience what true love is. If God has put the yearn for love and marriage on your heart, trust that it will come your way.

    And remember, from the very beginning, God let us know that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
    I can attest that no truer words have ever been spoken.

  29. This is the blog of man who is growing and realizing his priorities in life as a man. You may have success and money, but in reality a real man wants to fill the need to love, take care and provide for a woman. The only way to have true love, is to first recognize that no love can stand without God being at the forefront. He is love, so without him you cannot have love. I appreciate your thoughts and honesty. Don’t give up on having true love in your life and the ministry of marriage. If you put God first, it will come, in its own time. As you, I have seen many poor examples of marriage, but I cannot let that deter me from wanting to have that something special. Nobody or any marriage is perfect, it is the effort and the guidance that you and your mate look for from God that will make everything come together. Stay positive, intelligent, humble, honest, and eager!

  30. I like what you said about over analyzing and feel that it is quite a true statement. I have found love to be complicated in that it comes in many forms for many reasons, and most are beyond logic and analysis. Many, thought not all, get married today out of selfishness or a warped sense of obligation and those are always the wrong reasons. Real, honest, and righteous love, either of God or person, is a truly selfless act. Are we taught to love because of the things He does for us or He has met the expectations we have of Him? No. We are taught to love selflessly and on faith, and until we learn to love a person that same way, failure or unhappiness is the only end result possible.

  31. So I have decided that this blog has been the most eye-opening thing I have read.. in.. forever.
    I appreciate your ability to be real and unmistakably honest. I am young, however have had the same thoughts about marriage; why? it’s just a licence for divorce. Then, I thought who gets married these days? for what reasons?
    There shouldn’t be any other reason besides true, unconditional love. No logic, or reason may be applicable to that answer, and you’ve made it clear. Refreshingly so. You’re truly a talent and intellect. God bless!

    *Jenn.

  32. I heard someone once say “When You Get Married, You Are Stuck To That Person Just Like Gum Get’s Stuck To Your Shoe”. That statement helped me to see that marriage is just not for a time. Love bears all things and endure, we love becasue he 1st loved us…We need to get to know GOD! For love to work our in our lives we need to understand what the word means. It’s more than a feeling an emotion it is a work in progress that never ends. Onec you find that love it no should longer be a two-fold cord but now it’s become a three-fold cord with the love of God holding it together.

    Aprreciate your thoughts, to find love look beyond what the eyes can see.

  33. I’ve gotten sucked into your blog..lol! I believe love is different from couple to couple. In my 30’s I have a totally different outlook on relationships than I did in my 20’s. I have seen marriages around me fail and I’ve seen them succeed. I look of course to the ones that are successful; my parents, my brother, aunts/uncles. I believe in love and marriage and all the imperfections that come with it. I’ve also asked married couples their take on why the spark dies and a lot has to do with sex and the lack there of. Couples getting caught up in everyday life of work and kids and forgetting each other. One of my biggest fears of marriage is my mate cheating. I’m a firm believer of keeping the fire lit so I hope that the day God blesses me with MY perfect, I can be all that he ever desires! Continued blessings Bryan šŸ™‚

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